I am an oddball…
I have always felt that way. The square peg trying to squeeze into a round hole, a leopard with stripes, a fifth wheel, the odd man out.
Now I have proof. It wasn’t all in my mind.
I have been delving into my past
And I am confounded and dumb-founded by the decisions that I made. Looking back it seems like I had truly lost my marbles. Dropping them to scatter. Stooping to retrieve them from dark cobwebbed corners.
I should have grabbed up my marbles and ran back into the light. But no, I parked myself in the dark. Settling down to stay for awhile. Put down roots. In the dark where loneliness, insecurity and fear live.
But nothing grows in the dark.
I wasn’t trying to live my life the hard way. But the “hard way” seemed to be all I knew.
When I questioned my ability for rational thought, a friend suggested that I take a few personality tests. (Thanks again, Rose!) I honestly doubted that I would learn much that would assist me in my quest. But I was wrong.
The test results definitely helped me to better understand why I am the person I am.
I just wish I would have known when I was younger. Much younger.
The first tests that I took were silly,
You can check them out here: “Know Thyself”.
The next batch of tests were to determine if I was an Introvert, Ambivert, or Extrovert.
I have always worked in the public. And if I say so myself (which I do) I am exceedingly good at dealing with clients and helping them to get what they want/need. I have worked in large clubs-with hundreds of customers who knew my name (a’ la Cheers). For many years I stood on stage giving (fantastic, if I say so myself) Power Point Presentations, it was fun, informative and I strove to make each and every person in the audience feel involved.
A few years ago I created Women’s Success Network, a group of 50 women who met for lunch once a month. Arranging dynamic female speakers to inspire and prompt each of us all to be our very best. Many of the most influential women in the area attended monthly.
And most telling…I used to be the karaoke queen…at many of the finest watering holes in town. A little Pat Benatar, Alannah Myles, or the Go-Go’s, rocking it out every chance that I got.
I was always busy, surrounding myself with people, having fun, and usually wearing a lampshade and shouting through a bullhorn.
I never questioned that I was an extrovert. And I lived up to that title.
Until…
Although I would have said that I was the biggest extrovert EVAH!! Each and every test that I take slates me in the introvert column.
As I read definition after definition referring to introverted tendencies, I must admit that I do believe that I truly am an introvert. Although this doesn’t mean that I need to give up my lampshade and my karaoke microphone, I just need more down time after each performance.
Quizzes
Susan Kane: The Power of Introverts
My results:
Your Personality Profile:
“I = Introvert. Given the choice, you’ll devote your social energy to the people you care about most, preferring a glass of wine with a close friend to a party full of strangers. You think before you speak, and relish solitude. You feel energized when focusing deeply on a subject or activity that really interests you. You have an active inner life, and are at your best when you tap into its riches.”
I do agree with this, I really enjoy hanging with our close group of friends. I appreciate it much more now that I cannot hang out as often as I would like. But a bonfire and a beer in the backyard, or at the lake, with friends and family are the times that I treasure the most.
“Introversion is marked by a number of different sub-traits:
- Very self-aware
- Thoughtful
- Enjoys understanding details
- Interested in self-knowledge and self-understanding
- Tends to keep emotions private
- Quiet and reserved in large groups or around unfamiliar people
- More sociable and gregarious around people they know well
- Learns well through observation
Introverts typically choose their friends much more carefully. Their closest relationships tend to be profound and significant”
I don’t have as many friends as I did when I was younger. But these friendships are much deeper, and more fulfilling.
Sometimes I think that I am too self-aware, questioning my interactions with others, wondering if I conveyed what I intended. Was I too brusque, too soft, too brash, understood?
Obviously I am interested in understanding myself and why I do the things I do. And since extroverts are more prevalent than introverts-3 to 1, maybe I am boring the majority of you!
23 Signs You’re Secretly An Introvert
This is a great article, does it resonate with you?
These are my top choices.
“8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.
10. You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.
14. You screen all your calls — even from friends.
15. You notice details that others don’t.
16. You have a constantly running inner monologue.
22. You’re a writer.”
Conclusion
Now that I realize that I am an introvert some my queries are answered. I do need time to myself, more than most. Working continually with the public is something that I enjoy, but I definitely need time to recharge.
Introversion does not mean that you are shy (and I definitely am not shy!), it just means that you need more time to recharge between social interactions. My entire work-life has been spent in the public eye, I never really realized how much time I needed to myself to counteract. Time alone allows me to be at my best. I tend to get stressed and cranky if I don’t take that time.
Many of my favorite activities are things that I do alone; write, read, paint, dream, garden.
Introverts also tend to think about what they say before they say it. Much of the time I carry on vocal debates, with myself, hashing and rehashing what I want to say, and how I want to say it. In fact, when I say things without thinking I tend to put my foot in my mouth. Then I have hours of conversation, with myself, hashing and rehashing!
Last, but not least, introverts gather our energy from inside ourselves, and an extrovert gathers energy from what goes on around them. Because of this introverts have a smaller pool of friends and relationships. We enjoy spending time by ourselves and only have so much energy for reaching out, so when we create relationships they mean a great deal to us.
So, take the tests…are you an introvert, extrovert, or a bit of both-an ambivert?
Leave your type in the comments below!
